


try not to mistake what you have with what you hate

by orphan_account



Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Normal Life, Enemies to Lovers, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Past Abuse, Smut, SnowBaz, idk - Freeform, probably add more characters later, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-07 15:13:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 4,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10363314
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: who doesn't love an enemies to lovers?





	1. Chapter 1

**Baz**

Bloody Snow. I can not stand him. With his perfect, bronze curls and his dumb galaxy of freckles. I hate him. I hate that I love him. So when he walks out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel on, I do the only thing I can, sneer. “This isn’t a brothel, Snow.” As per usual, he babbles on and on, trying to form a coherent sentence.

 

**Simon**

“I- no- um- sorry.” I finally manage to mumble out. “Snow, do you realize how much easier your life would be if you learned to speak properly?” Baz sneers out, he gets up and starts walking towards me. The prat. “Fuck off, _Basilton_.” He hates it when I call him that. He slowly steps forward, egging me on. “You know, you really are insufferable. The worst chosen one to be chosen.” This time I step forward.

 

**Baz**

The next thing I know, Snow is grabbing my wrists and pinning me against the wall. He is leaning fully against me and mutters “Fuck you, Baz.” He leans against me even more, if that was even possible, and notices that I’m hardening very quickly. Fuck you teenage hormones. Snow becomes very aware of it, glances up and down, and smirks. _Shit._

 

**Simon**

Baz is hard as all shit. I don't know what the fuck to do, so I tease him, of course. “Basilton, what do we have here? Are you attracted to me?” He takes a long gulp so i do whats natural to me. I don't think. I lean in and take a long lick up his neck. He shivers beneath me. I like having this control over him. I nip and play at his neck, enjoying every time his breath hitches he lightly buck his hips into mine.

 

**Baz**

Snow is playing me with right now and I am losing. Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch does not lose. So I grab him by the wrists, and flip us around. His hands are pinned above his head, he has this light glow to him, and he looks like heaven. I lean in and can feel him equally as hard as I am. I take his mouth with mine and fight his tongue with mine. We usually fight with words or fists, but tonight, we're fighting with lust. I slowly grind my leg into his crotch, catching his moan with my mouth.

 

**Simon**

Baz is winning. I can't let this happen. I fight my hands free, flip him, kiss him, and walk away. It really is a sight watching him being so unable to talk. I think this a game I could win.


	2. Chapter 2

**Baz**

Shit. SHit. SHIt. SHIT. For the love of Crowley. I can't have one nice thing. I’m sitting here after Snow just kissed the daylights out of me and I have no clue what to do so I go to bed, not that I actually sleep at all because I can still feel the tingling of him on me. Eventually I fall asleep.

* * *

 

**Simon**

Classes go on as normal. I can feel Baz staring at my back like always, except now I’m turned on. My decision last night is not turning out like I planned, he can’t win. I want to win for once in my life. Classes pass, the day goes on, Penny questions my new ‘glow’, and I just can’t wait to go back to my room. Final bell rings and school is done. I talk to Penny and Agatha for ten minutes after class to insure that he will be in there. Sure enough, he is in the room studying. Right now I am very glad that he is in his desk chair, the one that spins.

 

**Baz**

I am very aware of Snow entering the room. I can feel his presence behind me, I do my best to show no weakness around him anymore. This is a game I intend to win. While being distracted in my own thoughts, I didn't notice that Snow was right behind me. I, as usual, payed no attention (or at least attempted to). Next thing I know, he rolling my chair out and spinning me around. Before I can get any words out, he is straddling me on the chair. All my fifth year fantasies finally coming true. He is biting and sucking on my neck and I moan. “Simon - fuck-” I inhale and he smirks on my neck. 

 

**Simon**

I have waited all day to do this. I’m straddling Baz. He is slowly grinding his hips up into mine and I’m losing it. I have to take control. I take his mouth in mine and fight my way in with my tongue. We sit there doing a dance for I don't know how long. I finally full back, taking a long time pulling and biting on his lip. I move back down to his neck. I’m kissing around on his neck when I reach a little divot in his skin. I realize it’s the scar from that day. Of course me being the fiend I am, bite lightly on it. The second my teeth graze it, he grinds his hips into mine, moaning loudly. I keep sucking and biting on that area until I’m sure he, or maybe me, is going to come. Then I stop. Because I have to win.

 

**Baz**

The bloody prat. He gets me close by finding a spot I didn't know could be erogenous. Then walks away. “What the hell, Snow?” I spit at him. “You called me Simon earlier.” he says.  _ Shit fuck. _ He saunters into the bathroom with a wink. A bloody wink. I’m in deep and once again, I’m losing. I wonder if this all just game for him. Don't get me wrong, I am enjoying this. But I can't help but think that all this is is a game. I sure as Crowley hope not because I’m in too deep for this to be a game. Crowley this man has me whipped.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this isnt beta'd so please tell me any errors you find :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Simon**

It has gotten to the point where I can't ignore him. Sitting in english, Baz says something to the teacher and I flush red red. It wasn't anything significant. “Pardon, but you forgot to collect the homework.” The bugger. Everyone groaned in annoyance because, like me, they didn't do it. While everybody was busy pissing and moaning, I was doing my best to not get a raging hard on. I couldn't stop thinking of him calling me ‘Simon’ and it was too bloody distracting.

 

**Baz**

Simon is always on mind. This game is getting to be too much. The minute we are released from class I run down to the catacombs. The only place I can get some solitude. I’m down in the depths when I notice him. That stupid mouth breather. “Snow. Will you ever allow me some peace from your oppressive stupidity?” I bark. “You know Baz, you really shouldn't have reminded the teacher about the homework. That really pissed me off.” he said, not in an angry tone, but a seductive one. He started walking towards me.

 

**Simon**

I take the cigarette out of his mouth and take a nice long drag. I can see him break our eye contact and glance at my lips. I drop it on the floor and stomp on it, never breaking the eye contact. I step closer and take his neck in my mouth. Finding the divot once again easily. His knees give in. “Stop playing, Snow” he spits. “What do you mean” I suck on his neck “playing?” I ask as innocently as possible.

 

**Baz**

Damn you snow, I hate you, I hate you. I hate you. I love you. “If you want to play, Snow, I will play.” With that i throw him against the wall of the catacombs, not minding to be gentle. He lands against the wall. “Getting a little rough are we there, _Basilton?”_ Shit this shouldn't turn me on as much as it does. He is winning. I walk up and press him against the wall noticing that he is already half hard as well.

 

**Simon**

I’m slipping, falling, too hard, too fast. I push as hard as i can grinding my hip into his and he lets out the deepest groan. I bite my lip so hard that it bleeds. I will not let him hear my moan. Thats too many points in favor of him. He notices my bleeding lip and sucks on it. _Shit._ It feels fucking good. Too much, too fast. I shove him off. Leaving him looking flustered. “We can't keep leaving it like this, Snow.” I flip him off and run out. I need to figure out my strategy for this game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shit this one was short as fuck but i do what i can. btw i forgot to mention this is a normal au and the aforementioned scar on the neck will be part of the upcoming angst :))


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited angst  
> warning: past abuse mention

**Baz**

I’m sitting in the catacombs wondering what in Crowley just happened. He went for the marks on my neck again. Another brutal reminder of childhood. I want to be angry at Snow for going at the marks again, but I can't blame him. He doesn't know what they're from, all he knows is that they're from my childhood. He doesn’t know that my father abused me when I was younger. He doesn't know that those were from the one time my father went too high. He doesn't know that these were from the time he caught me making out with some random rich boy who was “experimenting”. He doesn't know that my father took a lighter and held it against my skin on my neck long enough for him to realize that it was on such a visible place. Simon Snow doesn't know that if he took off my shirt and looked close enough you can see all the scars from where my father hurt me. Yet Snow attacks them just to torture me. Snow doesn't know that after every time he bites and licks me there I think back to the days momentarily. Curse you Simon, and your blissful ignorance. I sit there for god knows how long. It’s only when someone is shaking me back and forth and screaming my name that I realize I hadn’t been breathing, I’m crying, and my eyes are closed.

* * *

 

**Simon**

God I feel horrible. I hate leaving Baz like that because it means that I’ve got a massive hard on and he probably does too. We could solve this situation together, but instead I have to repeatedly give myself blue-balls just to win a stupid game. So here I am walking to the Mummer’s House before I stop and turn around. I can't just leave Baz like that anymore. I will go back and finish this like the real Hero I am. So at this point I’m sprinting back to the catacombs. I run in there back to where I left Baz. That's when I see him sitting there with his eyes closed and tears streaming down his face, that's when I notice he isn't breathing. I run over and shake him. After two shakes he isn’t responding so I start screaming his name, “BAZ!” over and over.

 

**Baz**

“BAZ! BAZ! BAZ!” I finally open my eyes and take my first breath I don't know how long. I try to take in so much air that it wracks my body. It’s not until I’m lying on the ground, shaking, that I realize that the person who brought me out of my own head was Snow. He can't see me weak.  “What are you doing here Snow?” I grit out trying to keep my words as even as possible. “Well I-uh- um-well- I left you and- I don't know, Sorry.” He finally manages to get out. 

 

**Simon**

After absolutely failing to come up with a lie for why I came here, I ask “What was that?” I asked it so quietly that I could barely hear myself. “Why do you care, Snow?” he hisses through his teeth like he always does. If he wants to not let me in, that’s fine. I’m going to drag this on as long as possible. He seems recovered enough for what I want to pull. I spit on his face. Then for some stupid reason, I lick it off. “I don’t care. Never have, never will, Basilton. When will you learn?” I don't know why I say that because I care so much. Wait! No I don't, where did that come from? With that, I leave him lying there on the ground looking so messed up because I decided to lick my own spit off of his face. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aghhh this he angst I have been working on. SOrry it took me so long to upload... haha finals week!!!! (im crying hahahahaha)  
> sorry this is so short. next chapter will probably be smut mixed with baz's angst and then a few chapters later I'll put some emotional simon in


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, another short one I'm sorry. Next one will be way longer to make up for the past two shorties, but in this chapter a new character is added so yay!

**Baz**

He did not just fucking do that. Simon Snow has just started a war. A war that may never be won. I stomp back to our room and of course he is just sitting there looking perfect as always. Crowley, I’m in so deep. I grab him by the collar and throw him against the wall. He has this absolute look of utter shock and I feel a small pang of pride. “What are you playing at here, Snow?” I whisper very quietly into his ear. “N-no- I’m- no- I’m not doing anything, Baz.” He painstakingly stutters. The moron. I spit onto his face just as he did to me. “Sure. That's right. This is nothing.” I murmur as I take a long drag of my tongue up the side of his face.

 

**Simon**

He is licking his own spit off the side of my face just as I did to him. Merlin and Morgana I’m so turned on right now. “This isn't nothing Baz” I choke out. He looks at me utterly shocked. We stare at each other for a solid ten seconds before he starts furiously kissing me. So here we are hard core making out and grinding on eachother against the wall of our room when we hear the door open.

 

**Baz**

The most intense makeout session of my life, where the boy I’m in love with just told me this isn't nothing to him was interrupted. By his best friend, Penelope Bunce. “Simon, I need to speak to you, but you seem to be a little -um- preoccupied” she finally says after approximately ten thousand hours of awkward silence. “Um, ok. Let's go talk, Penny. I’ll see you later Baz.” I only send a nod his way. With that, he is out the door.

 

**Penny**

Okay. Um. This is a bit awkward. I just walked in on my best friend and his sworn enemy in a very intense makeout session. I want to say I'm shocked and surprised. You know, all that stuff, but I can't say that I am. There was always this tension between them. I guess it just happened to be of the sexual nature rather than the the ‘I’m destined to kill you, so be ready’ tension. This is actually quite fascinating. So now Simon and I are walking side by side in an awkward silence when I decide to finally speak up, “How long has  _ that _ been happening?” He replies with a  _ very _ informative “I don't a know, a week maybe?” Quite the helpful one you are. I ask him what this means to him and I’m pretty sure for once in his life he is sure about something. This. 

 

**Simon**

“When I’m with Baz, everything is okay. Even though all of our  _ encounters _ start of with fights, during them, it's super nice. I think I might really like him.” I throw in the think even though I know for a fact just to let Penny think this isn't  _ too _ serious. I think she caught onto it, but that's ok. We finally change the topic and fall into a nice conversation. This is nice. Life is nice. I might actually be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also I will be starting a new one with my favorite trope. (you dont get to know what it is until i post the first chapter because im mean:))


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so this is my boys being soft with each other and rehashing their pasts. tiny tiny mention of rape. A bunch of homophobic slurs so be careful if youre triggered by that.

**Baz**

Simon sneaks back into our room at Crowley knows when and I pretend to be asleep, because if we have a conversation he might take back what he said earlier. I would rather live in ignorance. You know what they say, ‘ignorance is bliss.’ At some point, Simon stops crashing around the room like the beautiful storm he is, and he lays down in his bed. Just when I think I’m safe, I hear him murmur “Baz, I know you are awake and I want to talk.” “What do you want Snow?” I say not in a mean tone, but not in a kind, soft one either. I don't want him thinking I care just in case he decides to take back what he said. “Baz, I want this to be a  _ thing _ .” um. Shit. This. Is. Not. How. I. Thought. This. Would. Go. “w-wHat?” I ungracefully cough out in surprise. “You know what I said Baz” That is true, I did know. ‘Simon Snow, did you know that I have dreamed about you telling me this since I first saw your face? Did you know that you were the source of all my dreams? Simon Snow I want to be with you so bad. I love you so much.’ That’s what I imagine myself saying. Of course, I just mutter, “Okay, Snow, you may not be aware, but I want this to be a thing too, but I have a lot of damage.” “I do too, Baz.” he says softly.

 

**Simon**

Okay, so he wants this to be a thing too. That’s showing some promise. I want to tell him everything that has happened to me. Like how I discovered I was bisexual. Shit. Does he even know I am bisexual. I should probably tell him that. That seems good. “Baz, in case you were wondering, I’m bisexual and I’ve known for a while. It’s actually quite a funny story.” I ramble on, of course the story isn’t that funny. I got caught with a boy in one of my foster homes when I was fourteen. This group of boys walked into the room as I was awkwardly kissing one of the members of their foster home ‘gang’ so of course he got off easy. A couple punches to his face, nothing he couldn’t take. But me, I’m a different story. I was the new kid. Just got moved there after getting kicked out of my last home. I was the kid who ‘attacked’ their friend (with my face, on his face). I was just a faggot to them. They made sure that I knew that. They ripped down my pants, I was sure they were going to rape me. Thankfully they didn’t. Instead the leader pulled a switchblade out. While they held me down, the leader carved ‘fag’ onto my outer thigh. I still have it on my leg, it was small enough that I have always been hide it though. That was the first and last time I had ever kissed a boy before Baz. I suddenly realize how deep into my thoughts I was when I hear Baz saying, “Earth to Snow” “Huh?” “I said, I assumed you were bi or something like that. I’m gay. Incase you were wondering.” he says, sounding exasperated. “Oh thats cool. I assumed so.” I mutter.

 

**Baz**

There are so many thing I want to ask him. For once in my life I don't think and just do. “What did you mean by you were damaged?” I can see him tense up, not prepared for that question, I feel bad. “Let me show you.” he finally mumbles. I can see him stand up. He walks over to me and starts to unbutton his pants. I open my mouth to ask him what he is doing, but he just says, “wait.” I listen and let him take his pants off. He reaches to the side of his boxers and pulls up the side of his boxers. He points to these scars on the side of his thigh and it takes me a moment to see what it says. Someone carved out ‘fag’ onto his skin. Scarring him forever. I sat here calling him the worst chosen one. He was brought to this school basically to be bred into the perfect next candidate for head master. I harassed and bullied him for years. All that time, this was happening to him. I feel the tears starting to roll down my cheeks. He finally speaks up and says “I told you it was a funny story about how i figured out how I was bi” with a slight chuckle and smile. He just put himself out there. For me. “You know, you’re the first person I have told about this. Not even Penny knows. Well, she knows I’m bi, just not that I have ‘fag’ carved into the side of my leg.” He is rambling again. He continues on to explain to me what happened and the ‘gang’ that got him. He looks so vulnerable right now, I’m going to put myself out there for him. “Simon Snow. Crowley, you are so beautiful and whatever those boys told you in those homes, don't believe it. There is nothing wrong with you. You know those marks on my neck that you really like? Those are a result of abusive homophobia as well.” I have never told anyone about this. 

 

**Simon**

I just put myself out there and he accepted me. “Snow, my father has abused me my whole life. It just got worse when he caught me making out with some random rich boy” he says to me. I want to cry. All these years that I have been antagonizing him, he was being abused. He takes his shirt off. I gulp, he is really beautiful, a work of art. I don’t see anything, but I feel him grab my hand as if hearing my thoughts. He takes my hand and rubs it across his chest. I can feel all the bumps and small dips in his skin. He explains to me all of them. Baz then leads my hand to his neck. He tells me about his dad and how he held a lighter to his skin. I can see him crying. “Come here,” I say as I grab him in a hug. I lay down. We fall asleep in each other's arms. Our scars being shown to the world. In that moment, with him in my arms, all my bad memories are gone. Nothing matters. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok so here we are. I am going to do one more chapter that will close everything up. :):):) Thanks everyone for taking this ride with me!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here is the last, very short, chapter of my boys getting their happy and awkward ending

**Simon**

I wake up with Baz in my arms. I didn't know until now that this may have been the only thing I have ever wanted in my whole life. I get to wake up and stare at Baz’s face. I get to see all of his features. The way his dark olive skin wraps around his cheekbones, his nose is high up on his face, and his beautiful widow’s peak. His hair is so glorious, it is silky and soft, it curls slightly in the morning, something I never got to see before. It is perfect, it is,  _ he _ is all for me.

 

**Baz**

Waking up in Simon’s arms with him staring at me is something I could definitely get used to. My eyes slowly flutter open and I look at him and we both smile. It is amazing how we went from angry makeout sessions whenever to pouring our hearts out about our pasts to each other in the safeness of the night. I love this boy so much. “Good morning, Baz” he says so softly. “Good morning Simon” I say back, seeing him smile at the use of his first name but he doesn't mention it. 

 

**Simon**

“I want to be boyfriends” I basically yell it, on accident. “I mean- uh- if- you-um- do you want to be boyfriends?” I eventually sputter out, it a much quieter voice. Baz looks obviously taken back by the question and I can't tell if that is good or not. “Simon Snow. Do you know how long I have wanted you to ask that question? Of course I want to be your boyfriend.” he says after making me wait for way too long. I think I am actually crying tears of joys. “That’s good” I say because I am never good with words. 

 

**Baz**

I could die right now if I wanted, of course I don't want to because Simon fucking Snow is my boyfriend and I couldn't be happier. I just have one last question. “Simon, why do you like me? I’m so damaged and too far gone. I can't even stand myself 75% of the time.” He doesn't even hesitate before responding,

 

“Because We Match”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is where the road ends. I will be posting a new fic on here soon though so keep an eye out. Thank to everyone who has taken this wild journey with me!!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey so I dont post one here often. I really appreciate comment and kudos. You can find me on tumblr @ shamelsslysnowbaz


End file.
